Progress Not Perfection

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Before I was a 165 pound girl unhappy and ashamed of my body. I wore sweat shirts and yoga pants because nothing else fit. All I wanted to do was hide from the world because I was disgusted with myself. How could I let it get to that point? In high school I was active and weighed a constant 140 minus my binge and purge sessions. I was in sports and your typical Tom boy. I wasn’t fit and I wasn’t fat but I wasn’t the girl I wanted to be.

My junior and senior year I was in a bad relationship with a guy who knew what I was doing to my body but would just turn his head and let me do it. We stayed together for another year after I graduated. I was miserable and it just caused my depression and eating habits to get worse. Then something changed. I told myself I needed to walk away or I would never be anything. I closed that chapter of my life and shortly after I met the most amazing, kind, sweet and loving guy. He was everything I had dreamed of. I knew I had to get better or this relationship wouldn’t work so I worked my hardest to control my eating disorder. I couldn’t stand seeing the pain in his eyes when I would relapse. My heart broke each time I disappointed him. In the first year of our relationship I gained 30 pounds and never looked back. I was unhealthy and unhappy with myself but this man loved me the way I was, so it didn’t matter, right? Eventually it took its toll on me. We got married in April of 2013 and still till this day you will not find 1 wedding picture in my house because I’m ashamed. I lived with that shame for another year before I decided to change something.

Now 365 and some days later I am 135 pounds, a size 3 (down from a size 10) and stronger than I have ever been. My pink goal jeans didn’t fit past my knees a year ago and now they are one of my favorite pairs. I have a new found confidence and it shows in my daily actions. I’m healthy and happy and am able to help others ready to join me on this amazing adventure.

My advice to you: no matter where you started, don’t give up because one day you will look back and realize it was all worth it!

12 thoughts on “Progress Not Perfection

  1. I am so thankful to read this!!! You spoke the exact words I needed to hear! I am starting my journey April 6th! In high school I was exactly that, not fat but not super thin (so I thought!)! I look back at pictures and go crazy that I thought I was fat! 😝 My husband doesn’t mind either way but I feel like I need to do this for myself and for my 3 month old daughter! I don’t need her seeing my lack of confidence because of how I look! 🙂 Keep up the amazing work girl!! 😍

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    1. Thank you hun! Can’t wait to see your journey unfold. It’s such an amazing feeling and life changer. When your daughter is older she will be able to look back and see how strong and determined her mommy was to be health for her.

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  2. You are so strong, and the process you made -and I not only mean your body but mentally and emotionally- is amazing! I hope you will never give up and stay this awesome girl you are now! xx

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  3. Samantha, I must appreciate your courage to open yourself up to the world and being an inspiration for so many.
    Also for taking the time to visit, read, like and follow my blog. Sincere gratitude.

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